Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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