I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
