Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
