I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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