As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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