A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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