you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
