it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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