one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
