Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
