Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
