something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
