The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
