I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
