This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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