the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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