She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
