my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
