Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.