My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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