it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
