I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.