just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
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Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.