Texts From Last Night

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  (940): View more from Texas

  That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone

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  (940): That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone http://tfl.nu/w4ug
  Replies (3) Good night (712) Bad night (1742)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...

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  (314): I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter... http://tfl.nu/166t
  Replies (36) Good night (2605) Bad night (714)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.

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  (678): you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt. http://tfl.nu/bqwc
  Replies (27) Good night (3981) Bad night (631)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.

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  (302): I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI. http://tfl.nu/3vpl
  Replies (42) Good night (886) Bad night (7266)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wrong number and your a loser

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  (215): It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular (610): Wrong number and your a loser http://tfl.nu/k831
  Replies (32) Good night (1283) Bad night (8506)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.

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  (301): We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope. http://tfl.nu/4d9q
  Replies (28) Good night (5367) Bad night (564)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.

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  (787): She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work. http://tfl.nu/8rxz
  Replies (39) Good night (942) Bad night (4281)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk

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  (541): Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk http://tfl.nu/l5et
  Replies (7) Good night (4358) Bad night (1294)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.

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  (303): I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more. http://tfl.nu/r5mk
  Replies (6) Good night (6791) Bad night (1543)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.

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  (954): I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart. http://tfl.nu/2rds
  Replies (22) Good night (4296) Bad night (1389)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis

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  (203): apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis http://tfl.nu/rw8g
  Replies (2) Good night (4424) Bad night (683)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.

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  (731): Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work. http://tfl.nu/qr42
  Replies (6) Good night (2463) Bad night (892)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib

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  (843): my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib http://tfl.nu/rp9w
  Replies (12) Good night (1508) Bad night (691)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...

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  (902): Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask? (902): It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet... http://tfl.nu/mgzk
  Replies (19) Good night (2130) Bad night (512)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.

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  (580): Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style. http://tfl.nu/uibp
  Replies (3) Good night (206) Bad night (514)

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