so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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