I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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