she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
