I don't think brook has ever known best
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
