Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
