if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
