He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
