you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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