the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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