sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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