i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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