listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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