This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
