Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
