he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
