everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
