I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
