it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
