i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Drunk is not a location!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
