ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
