Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
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Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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