Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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