we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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