You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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