My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
