How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
