dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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