well you can't waste a boner
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
