if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
