i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
