Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
