it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
