Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
