I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
