I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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