i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
