I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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