this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
