and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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