We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
