Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
