if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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