They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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