did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
