Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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