remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
