Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
