guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
