i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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