Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish they made helmets for livers.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
