if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
