Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
