I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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