So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
