I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
