my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
