one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
