I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
