Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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