And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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