somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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