she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
